So I started to flip through my Bible looking for titles that sounded more full, something that I thought would feed me. And I found many; in fact even just the next page seemed so much more interesting than this one. I began to read only to feel myself being pulled back to Romans 5.
Reluctantly, I went back, and read it again. and Again. and Again.
I only get it now. and it took TWO Bibles for me to get here. In one Romans 5 is titled Faith Brings Joy, and in the other Right With God. Both of those are things that I have been sorely lacking. In the past the source of my Joy was God. Just a few months ago I could feel the Lord's joy bubbling within me, it felt natural. And it was...
Now looking back I could see why suddenly it felt less than natural. Why it took me so long to relax and worship my God when I would go to church. With our new pastor our youth group was divided. As Christians we judged, and doubted. We spoke in hushed whispers expressing all of the things that we thought were less than satisfactory. I am no better than anyone else, one minute I would defend him the next pass judgment. I felt torn and full of contempt.
I had forgotten that MY GOD was in control. That He was in control and that what I was called was to obey, and love, and keep joy as my strength. I forgot that the Holy Spirit is the one that guides me and that it was MY CHOICE to make my body its home and by taking back control I had kicked Him out. I had chosen to follow Jesus, and to put my trust in Him. Where was that trust now? I had asked God to use me to do His will; so why had I taken back control?
"But God shows his great love for us in this way: Christ died for us while were still sinners." ... "And not only that, but now we are also very HAPPY in God through our Lord Jesus Christ. THROUGH HIM WE ARE NOW GOD'S FRIENDS AGAIN." (romans 5: 8, 11)
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