Saturdays

o children, how i mourn thee

Kingdom

         As Christians we live in the Kingdom. The realm of the Holy Spirit. We are no longer part of "humanity" but rather something Heavenly. We are God's cherished children.
         People are 'of ' God. They were painstakingly created by God and so, all are precious to Him. If you live in the Kingdom, as you live your life in obedience to the Spirit (housing Christ), the dormant potential of others will stir. The gifts that God instilled in them will be attracted to Christ living in you. You are then to sow seeds of truth in them, to mentor them, and above all love on them. Turn the stirring into a RUMBLING. Until their soul rises up in a cacophonous revelation of His Salvation!!
           Don't go back to your former ways. You can't. I challenge you to live intentionally for God. The deepest desires of your heart will be realized only through this. Because, after all, God was the one who put them there.
WORK TO EXPAND THE KINGDOM, RELEASE THE SEED OF AUTHORITY CHRIST BOUGHT FOR YOU, AND SPEAK AGAINST SILENCE.

Niagara

This weekend I stayed over at a friends place that I haven't seen for a while now. At one point I had been really close with that friend and her sister, but life began to interfere and we slowly lost our closeness.To be honest where I missed the relationship that we had before, I had come to expect that this weekend would be one of those check ups where we acknowledge the relationship that we had, have a couple of laughs, and then part with the promise of another check up a couple of months from then. The night began exactly as I expected it too, with laughter and camaraderie but nothing speaking of the deeper connection from before. After our night routine was done we wound down and got into bed, and began watching so you think you can dance episodes online. Slowly we began talking about life and the last couple of months, before we knew it it was 5 30 am and we had told each other things that would of warranted a name in the obituaries had it been anyone else.
The next day we went to Niagara Falls with (for me) some acquaintances. I now know what it means to meet people who are connected to God in the same way that you are. There are no walls, and joy and freedom reign. I had a fantastic time and would just like to praise God for the Wonder of His creation!!!

....i

is exhausted but totally and completely IN LOVE WITH JESUS TODAY. its a good feeling to have.

Surrender

Psalm 51


For the choir director: A psalm of David, regarding the time Nathan the prophet came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba.

1 Have mercy on me, O God,
because of your unfailing love.
Because of your great compassion,
blot out the stain of my sins.
2 Wash me clean from my guilt.
Purify me from my sin.
3 For I recognize my rebellion;
it haunts me day and night.
4 Against you, and you alone, have I sinned;
I have done what is evil in your sight.
You will be proved right in what you say,
and your judgment against me is just.*
5 For I was born a sinner—
yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.
6 But you desire honesty from the womb,*
teaching me wisdom even there.

7 Purify me from my sins,* and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Oh, give me back my joy again;
you have broken me—
now let me rejoice.
9 Don't keep looking at my sins.
Remove the stain of my guilt.
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God.
Renew a loyal spirit within me.
11 Do not banish me from your presence,
and don't take your Holy Spirit* from me.

12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and make me willing to obey you.
13 Then I will teach your ways to rebels,
and they will return to you.
14 Forgive me for shedding blood, O God who saves;
then I will joyfully sing of your forgiveness.
15 Unseal my lips, O Lord,
that my mouth may praise you.

16 You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one.
You do not want a burnt offering.
17 The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.
You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.
18 Look with favor on Zion and help her;
rebuild the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then you will be pleased with sacrifices offered in the right spirit—
with burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings.
Then bulls will again be sacrificed on your altar.



I love this psalm. In the past I tried to read it every morning in an attempt to start my days the rigth way. I'm trying to get back into that, and yesterday was my first day begining again. Something cooly happened yesterday and so I just wanted to share it with you.

Lately I've been thinking about the direction are lives take. The way societally they are meant to take, the way God wants them to go, and our own selfish desires. Over the last couple of weeks some people that I admire spiritually have had their lives put on hold because of a God prompting. I'm ashamed to say that that kind of scared me. I reverted back to the myself that was blinded by the words "missions", and "serving God", believing that that would mean I would have to go to some obscure part of the world and sacrifice the things that I value. I started praying the same way I always had, but God saw the doubt and fear that I tried to hide from Him. After reading, God prompted me to go to Jeremiah 10:22. The actual verse He wanted me to see was Jeremiah 10:23. and it said,"I know, Lord, that our lives are not our own. We are not able to plan our own course. 24 So correct me, Lord, but please be gentle..."
This verse made me realize two things.
First, that God is God. Meaning are lives are His to begin with and there really isn't to much we can do about it and that that isn't scary just ...life in the most wonderful way possible.
Second, that where our lives are not our own God has told us to talk to Him. To tell Him if something scares us, or ask for gentleness when directing our lives. His love for us is boundless and we shouldn't be afraid to talk to Him like a friend or father.
Our God is good and faithful. Thx for that JC :)

Lectures about Lectures

lec·ture   /ˈlɛktʃər/ Show Spelled [lek-cher] Show IPA noun, verb, -tured, -tur·ing.


–noun

1. a speech read or delivered before an audience or class, esp. for instruction or to set forth some subject: a lecture on Picasso's paintings.

2. a speech of warning or reproof as to conduct; a long, tedious reprimand.
 
I'm kind of curious as to how lecturing someone works. What are the requirements to be able to lecture another individual? What is an appropriate length? What does your relationship have to be with the other person? ect.
I've been raised by a compulsive lecturer. One who lectures everyone and anyone. Friends and family, the like. Strangers.
It irritates me. A lot. Not the lecturing of me, but rather of others.
Is it all right to lecture others with whom you are not willing to put in the time and effort to help fix their "conduct".
To me it seems that lecturing is only alright if you not only do it out of love but provide support, love, and compassion. Why would someone listen if you have no stock in their life? Why would they listen to someone else's condescencion?
In fact, wouldn't it have the oppositve effect? Wouldn't simply lecturing someone put them into a defensive stance for their conduct, and thus throw them deeper into it?
But, then that begs the question of; what if it isn't possible for you to put that sort of time and energy? Perhaps, your stretched thin with your other commitments, or your separated by distance, or ect.
What do you do? Permitting that your thinking of the other person's well being rather than your own superiority, how would you bring to light a hinderance that without it they would be able to breathe freer and live happier.
For right now my only answer is prayer. Pray for the specific individual. Pour love, compassion, and resolution into their spirits without their knowledge and invite God to work in and through them.

BFFLs

I would just like to take the time and thank God for the BFFLs that He's provided for me. I'm still groggy and sleepy at this point so eloquence will most definitely be the last thing you see in this post (or really any post of mine) but these people in my life, particularily one, are so inspiring and lovely that its a must. God has really blessed and favoured me in this area.
He's sent the right people for the right time in the right moments to inspire, and guide me. To love and to hold me.
Different people for different times depending on my needs. He's awesome that way.
One particular individual has been my rock, through the thick and thin, and even through our own rough patches we've stuck through it and I'm so thankful that we have.
They're perfect for me; constantly supporting, beautiful, talented in their own ways, sincere and kind, with just enough in common that we have that bond, but not enough that either would get bored. Their my soul mate, and I look forward to continuing life with them as a Godly inspiration.

Inspiration

As the body, we often refer to darkness, to evil, as "of this world". It seems that we have forgotten that this world is entirely OF GOD. It was created by God, nurtured by Him, and loved by Him. 

The darkness is not "of this world" but more accurately the ABSENCE of GOD. It does not come from the flesh which God created for us, or the desires we were born with, but rather the use of them in the absence of God. When we move and work in, and for Christ, the desires of our heart become whole and, therefore, produce in us the fruits of the spirit. A satisfaction for the completed and a desire for more is the result. 

If we do all things through and with God, our hearts will begin to "synchronize to God's heartbeat." (Anna D, 1993ad.blogspot.com) Our God's perfection and excellence will be reflected in us, opening opportunities for humanity to witness the glory of God, and giving us opportunities to glorify Him.

It begins with choosing Him, and then allowing Him to mold us into who He created us to be. 

Sides

i dont know how to explain this. its an abstract idea thats been rumbling around my head for a while and so in an attempt to make it coherent i'm going to try and explain it here.

Imagine a circle.

no.

Imagine a lot of circles.

Within each one there are hundreds of thousands of ...things. Thoughts, hobbies, desires, emotions,....stuff.

Now imagine that each of these circles are people, figuratively speaking. All floating around in one big space.

Each circle is comprised of all the stuff thats inside it, looking down at the big space where the circles float you can see everything within them but know that they cannot "see" whats within each other.

This is where things get ...mucky.

The circles will start making connections, bonds, with eachother. Bonds are created based on the similarities between the stuff circles. {lines = bonds} Lines begin to form between circles, the more lines the stronger the connection. Initially connections form simply because both are circles (ie. based on similar demographics or even something even more general). Eventually because of something within the circle (thoughts, ideas, hobbies, beliefs ect.).

Alright now down to the heart of the matter, and the reason for the title 'Sides'

I have a friend who always points out that I behave differently with different people. At first I was confused, seeing as I didn't really feel like I was behaving differently depending on the person and so I began to think about how this can be. After all this time I think I have a basic idea for why this is. *note that this is very general and basic and of course their is much more to it than this but bear with me*.

Here is where everything is tied together. Returning to the position of circle observer you will note that nearly all the bonds vary. Vary in strength, depth, and subject. This means that where the circle does not change shape or colour but rather the strength depth and ...basis is what changes. That is not to say that in some cases the circle will not change "face" depending on which circle its ...communicating with. But it does mean that it is not only possible but logical for outward behaviour, the behaviour seen by other circles, to vary. Each circle will approach other circles differently (ie. simply, exuberantly, grouchily, ect) but, once a circle develops bonds, that will change depending on the common ground between the circles.

Anyways this is my rough draft for what went on in my head these last few days. If you have any thoughts, questions, or ....fixes for this please comment!!!

The Dance

Six hundred pairs of eyes fixated on the being in the center.
The notes swam around her caressing her skin; embracing her body; soaking in her emotions, her dreams, her desires.
Each movement burst forth a result of the intimacy between the music and the dancer.
The months and years of training , working ,bruising, bleeding, scarring all amounted to the moment when the music's call would mover her.
Mover her beyond everything that came before.
As the music lifter her, the audience could only watch as the ethereal beauty danced with the unseen.
To soon the scarlet velvet dropped.
As the stillness broke each of the six hundred returned barely having grasped what they had seen.

Stories

              There's a story inside of me. Its colours have been dancing behind my eyelids. A white that is teeming with life, electric and pure. A venomous purple, deep and abyss like.
Its odd isn't it? To express such things with personified colours.

Night falls on the city and the streets carry the scent of gunpoweder like the breath of a curse.
(Carlos Ruiz Zafon, The Angel's Game)

               This was a line that I reread many times. It was an opening line for a story within a story. Beautiful right? The story within me stirred with it too.

RE-CONNECT

Its been really pressed on my heart to follow through with my plan to Re-Connect with God, with the hopes to connect deeper with Him than ever before. Today's (slash yesterdays at this point) youth service really gave me the affirmation I needed. All the youth leader's feel it; SOMETHING BIG IS COMING! and so I'm going to expect big things from God this year not only in my youth group but in my life as well.

My goal for this blog for the coming year is to keep it to help me remain accountable to God when it comes to daily worship in my bedroom, along with reading the Bible, prayer, and a little ART WORSHIP! Which has been another trend with me lately. Our God is creative and incredible so why wouldn't we worship Him through our art even if were not the best. At first I only did this when I was on a God high but now I intend to do it weekly if not nearly daily. If your reading this please pray for focus for me. Cause GOD KNOWS that I'm the type who needs it.

Since I already brought up youth tonight/yesterday I want to share an incredible moment I had with my Jesus. During pre-service prayer while waiting for my turn to pray I had my thoughts bouncing around, praying for the different prayer requests up on the board as well as tonight and myself. The main things being for a true connection with God and the fulfillment of the plans God has for us this coming year, when it was finally my turn to pray I was nearly knocked off my feet by God's presence. It took a lot for me to stay upright and just to squeeze the words from my lungs. After being spiritually starved for some time now it was the MOST INCREDIBLE FEELING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!! (lol who needs drugs when you could have JESUS?)

Our God is an AWESOME GOD; and i pray that He will reign in me in 2010

Romans 5

So once upon a time, I don't know when or how long ago or where, I was pressed to read Romans 5 and 6. I don't know why or how but FINALLY last night I started reading Romans 5. In all honesty I didn't find anything special. Or particularly interesting. Or even anything that I hadn't heard before.

So I started to flip through my Bible looking for titles that sounded more full, something that I thought would feed me. And I found many; in fact even just the next page seemed so much more interesting than this one. I began to read only to feel myself being pulled back to Romans 5.

Reluctantly, I went back, and read it again. and Again. and Again.

I only get it now. and it took TWO Bibles for me to get here. In one Romans 5 is titled Faith Brings Joy, and in the other Right With God. Both of those are things that I have been sorely lacking. In the past the source of my Joy was God. Just a few months ago I could feel the Lord's joy bubbling within me, it felt natural. And it was...

Now looking back I could see why suddenly it felt less than natural. Why it took me so long to relax and worship my God when I would go to church. With our new pastor our youth group was divided. As Christians we judged, and doubted. We spoke in hushed whispers expressing all of the things that we thought were less than satisfactory. I am no better than anyone else, one minute I would defend him the next pass judgment. I felt torn and full of contempt.

I had forgotten that MY GOD was in control. That He was in control and that what I was called was to obey, and love, and keep joy as my strength. I forgot that the Holy Spirit is the one that guides me and that it was MY CHOICE to make my body its home and by taking back control I had kicked Him out. I had chosen to follow Jesus, and to put my trust in Him. Where was that trust now? I had asked God to use me to do His will; so why had I taken back control?

"But God shows his great love for us in this way: Christ died for us while were still sinners." ... "And not only that, but now we are also very HAPPY in God through our Lord Jesus Christ. THROUGH HIM WE ARE NOW GOD'S FRIENDS AGAIN." (romans 5: 8, 11)